Testimony

Every day is a testimony. Every day that i am able to train and hurl cards out at that kind of speed and grandeur is a testimony to how you have made me. It is all too clear right now where you want me to go to. Perhaps when you made me, thats how you made me to be a cut above the other magicians or illusionists, that i would have this touch from you to change the experience anyone could have with cards. Training is tough... sweat, ache, pain.... still thou who has trained for 10 000 hours shall see the wonders.... more so when you train with the spirit of god...

Awesomeness. I praise you and i thank you for all you have done in me. That all i am is for you... send me... and i will go.

Praying everyday for the same cause.... 6 months lets sustain!

Goal Setting

New Year - New Goals. New Dreams. New Visions. New Limits.

Set them well!! =))

God Provides

Even as i write this. I know i am reaffirming what i know and what i do that lives with this.

Still, looking back at so many years of hard work, sweat, tears.. ever cried when you failed? haha... Champions are still ppl who fail but never give up. Yes yes.... we all know that...

Yup back tot the point. Dec was truly a demonstration of this. Even as you give up your time helping, doing all the charity work and all... just going to every single call... guess what? God's provision always is sufficient, in fact overabundant... =)) Nice...

Really feels good living this way. Just go just go... send me send me...

End of 2009

Soon =)
Yes end with a big bang! nice nice =)

Went nuh today. Nice to be there to help out. Guess all these bring me so much more joy i ever thought it would. Take me to a new level then =)

Labrador Hostel after that... looong day. But fun. Interesting what a small deck of cards can always do for others ...

Christmas

The play was awesome! First time seeing so many hands reaching out for salvation all around me. Wow! Ok it was like WOW! Presence of God was just strong. Wow!

It was nice to accompany someone to Christ. Mm i like it =) Guess thats how it ought to feel when Melo first accompanied me. Heh. Nice, v nice. Christmas is all about spreading joy, what other joy can be eternal?

And yes, so many things happened this week. Lord I am still learning more every passing day how to hear more from you and walk closer to your footsteps. Can you imagine someone tapping on your shoulder 3 times before you decide to respond? That was me. Still i responded so yea =)) Thank God for what you showed me today as well. After Christmas Celeb, went down to June's cm patient for a christmas celeb. Did not really prepare for it but was sure if God called... 3 times... it will just happen as he planned. 3 times... nuts i ought to be more sensitive. Yes it did. The family was amazing. 3 generations can you believe it? All coming to celebrate christmas. And yes, it wasnt some like small event get together and small talk... oh ho... they were SOO CLOSE to each other. The kids was obedient to all the adults and the parents were so full of love for their dear mother. You see model families all over tv... haha those are for a while... but this.. wow... Wow okay!!!

Wow. I have never seen a family as close as this. And yes, it was just my pleasure to bring the touch of magic to them. Father you convicted me of praying everyday for 1 thing for 6 months since yesterday, christmas eve, and yes you promised that if nothing happened, i would get 500 bucks haha. Lol but i know something is going to happen. It will. Lord take me as clay and mould me. Send me where you want me to go, for if 1 family can be touched in 1 day, 1 year has 365 days, even if its 10% of the days that you send me.. its still worth it.

Thanks for opening my eyes to see. Build us up that we can serve your kingdom.

Everyday for 6 months. For SCS. For ppl stricken with what is thought to be a terminal illness. Father make a miracle happen for all others.

Heavy

2009 is a different year from the others. Actually very different. Ups and Downs.

Ups. Concert. Cell group mate married. Great CG mates. Wonderful Family. Fantastic Friends. Passing postings. Blessing to audience, patients. Financial freedom. Maturity. Knowledge about much more things. Luxury branding. Nice.

Downs. Sweat. Tears. Breakups. Low scores on certain tests. Fragile life. Disease.

Why. Downs seem to remain much more than ups... perhaps cos its more recent... even if christmas is in the air. Celebration mood was totally gone actually... after that happened.

Thought i would have wrote about it on monday itself when i was there. It was different. Ever worshipped God with grief? Ever offered the sacrifice of praise? I finally understood what that mean. Nothing like that had ever shaken me so much. Its just so real. So sudden. So overwhelming. I remember that night as one of the heaviest night in my whole life. Ever felt yourself sinking into nothingness, feeling of derealisation was so real. I do not actually know why. I felt both limbs just sink down and root to the ground. Ever wondered how that feels like? I was seated, yet it was as though a thousand times of my weight was pressing down on my legs. I couldn't move them after the short eulogy. I just can't. It was as though gravity wouldnt let my tears off either and they just kept coming. It was just plain straight in your face. I did not know how i managed to carry myself through.

Sea of faces yet none of them seemed recognisable for a moment. My mind went blank. I do not know. It took quite some time before I reoriented myself back then, before i could think and talk properly. Yes a part of me wanted to leave yet a part wanted to stay. I reached home a bit blank.

Thinking about life. Thinking about God. Thinking about purpose. Thinking about grief. Thinking about heaven & Jesus. I really really just hope that you are holding her right then. That she was comfortable and peaceful just next to you.

May peace and comfort always be on your family & friends.

I did wonder, if one day, it happens to someone of such closeness to me... would i still have the perfect faith... would i still be able to give the sacrifice of praise... when now it has already stretched me to one end...

it really is different when you have seen things that are just so heavy..... Give me strength father.

Fragile

I remember only the first thing when i woke up. It was the sms. Why? I thought. I remember going back to my bed after switching off the air con. The place seemed exceedingly chilling, still. Somehow i just wanted to efface the presence of bright light from my surroundings. I buried myself into the bolster and expected all to go away. Nope, it didn’t. Instead tears came. Crying first thing in the morning isn’t a norm for me. Still, i don’t know how long past before i got out of bed again and started walking around. I haven’t even washed up, yet. As if it even mattered. Then i remembered that there were still 3 performances today to carry over. I cant bring this mood with me there...

Yesterday was different. I felt touched there.... i cried.. i never understood why... the answer came today. Why? I do not know. Life is fragile. It is not even within our control. You can be the best in all the sports and career you pursue... you can have a wonderful relationship with your loved ones... yet the next moment... you never know what will happen. And you ask why? I ask the same qn when this happened...Why?

Its supposed to be healing isn’t it? Healing...
I do not know... for this while....

Want

Yes when you have all you ever wanted last time... it feels different... makes you look at life a little different too. Money buys time. Time buys money too... Balance is key...

On a side note, christmas is coming =DDD woo hoo.. yes the christmas mood masks the pharmaco and eopt mood. Haha rocks.. =)) party party party + paragon... lol

Left

Yes ok. I admit yes.

You have lefteth me.. =/

Loooong tripp...

Breaking Away

Wonder why i asked for this.. but yes i received...

'That you shall have my wisdom, my faith, my energy, my brokenness and lastly, my conviction."

Whatever you ask for shall be freely given to you as you walk in my footsteps.

One touch from me and you will never be the same.

=)

And Perhaps.

And Perhaps now i dont even care if i let others trample on me.. why? i dun even know.

But yes somehow everything that one used to work for now just seems no longer that important when all is fulfilled. It was as though seeing all your dreams come true that all the conditions once laid down when you were walking the journey are all lifted...

Still.. all that i do would just be following your lead and trusting in you fully where you want me to go and what you want of me.

That all i would do... freely and willingly. =)

Good night. COFM EOPT tm.. but still... its a chill session....

Oh and yes, if you ask me, wj, i totally agree with what you believe in. You are one of the great examples that i look up to. that yes, as you honor him with all your actions and deeds, he will indeed honor you back.

Flowing with God. A Taste of Rainbow.

The Ideal One

Mm yes i have been thinking about it.... how would she be like... here goes

Your eyes sparkle, with full double eye lids and nice dark pupils that sparkle with wisdom and a deep sense of faith.
Your voice is sweet like myrrh, with your heavenly vocals, you praise our heavenly father and speak forth comfort to all around you.
Your hands and spirit knows no boundaries, helping all around you, and yet you never tire. I see you smile even in the face of trials. A sweet smile full of perseverance.
Your mind knows what i am thinking and predicts my next move well.
Your features are sharp and forms a pleasing sight.
Your actions show what you are - touching heaven, changing earth.

When one look, and i know whether you will take me by storm =)

Genting!

Haha guess what...

Chill Pill during posting.

Cool liao.

Cmdf rocks k. Interesting and heartwarming to see so many people full of passion and love and conviction. =D

Time Eludes

So far so good... 21 years of age and going.. haha of course going la.. else what...

But yea... come to think of it time really really eludes people. How fast time flies past... old already... and every other moment is a week apart... you don't even realise it, do you?

Well... treasure time. Use it well.

Genting =)

Dreams

Dreams come and go. Sometimes staying for a while longer, sometimes gone within a blink of an eye. They change as well. Time changes all things. People have different dreams, every one has their own defined set. When a person looks at somebody's life and ambitions and then looks at his own, sometimes he wonders whether he should experience that kind of life instead. Instead of his chasing his own dreams... that sometime may prove only too temporal.

Sometimes i wonder....

Still... chase your dreams when you are young. When you are old, you wouldnt want to look back and say ... i should have done that instead...

Palliative

Mm it seems super long since i last wrote anything down.. but yea... nowadays its just so many things going on.

Sometimes i wonder do i really really like this kind of high life... up and going every other single moment. People call you, strangers see you, you make new acquaintances almost every day... somewhat like networking, yet it doesnt really feel like it when you know that they are doctors as well.

Interestingly enough.. this year is the year that so many things unfold in front of me.. concerts... newspaper... cruises... media... what else? Sometimes i wonder how i balance all these with the heavy load of studies. Thankfully this is a slack period of time for me to re order a lot of the business plans + catch a break... chill pill.

What palliative care taught in the hospice was really true. "When you cannot add days to life, you add life to days!" Yes how true.

It really feels different to see so many impacted by just a night's work. You wonder if its all worth it? All the tears, sweat and blood.. is it? It definitely is. =)

The Best Is Yet To Come

Yes i thank you for all that is of me today.

Knowledge, Physical Self, Accomplishments, Vision, Clarity.... everything.

Yes everything... that i am just constantly reminded of the limitless limits that exist in your dimension, and that all things are always possible through you. Its interesting to be so ever so calm and peaceful even when tests are just round the corner... that one can still take time off to walk walk... talk talk....

Amazing. =)
Amazing Grace.

Salvos

First Step

Sola Fide.

To know we are saved by grace alone, given by christ alone.
To live by faith alone for His glory alone.

Nature

Nature can't be denied. Sometimes.

He who bears affliction understands and heals it well. =)

Past

Seems kind of interesting to look back to the time when we first started this journey... now that its time perhaps to move on to another chapter... another area in life... that i know your hand will guide me wherever i go... that i know that i can trust in you even when i do not see you.

Somehow its the feeling you know that you know that its going to happen.. and yes it does. The road ahead seems cloudy... yet i guess i know i wouldnt be the only one wandering through it... that there will always be a lamp unto my feet till i find my next shelter... Maybe i will come back.. maybe i wont ... I wont know for sure...

Guess this is how the new phase in life manifests... that the more you test me... the purer i shall become..

Either you lead change, or change will lead you.

=)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Mentalist

Past & Present

That when that which is perfect has come, then that which is imperfect will be done away.

When i was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

It is as though we see in a mirror, our past dimming away, our present become much clearer, face to face. That I know in fully now what I only knew partly then.

To abide faith, hope & love.

To use this one life, as a blessing to others.

Purpose

Ah how nice is it to talk about purpose once more... admidst all the work and play... yes i am finally back to you my dear blog... seems like i have neglected you for a while...

But yes. Now i realise how much i live to bring joy to others, be it just a kind word or perhaps running a small errand for someone... yes it helps.. don't you think? Isn't that word of appreciation all worth the work? Or perhaps just that slight tinge of smile worth the effort?

Yes it is. Very.

So much i would love to give out of myself even more... stretch my capacity then, that i could love like how you love. =D

That all i am, is for you.

Why we work the way we work?

1. The customer deserves our best, no matter how you're feeling.

2. Whether you do this full-time, part-time, spare-time, half-time, anytime -- if there's a fee involved, you are a professional and a pro delivers.

3. Nobody ever created WOW moments by simply skating.

We are in the Wow business -- and it's our job every time we set foot onstage, that we bust our tails to produce an experience that goes way beyond what our customers expect.

Fruits =)

Do you walk in love with others (John 13:34-35)? Do you purposefully look for ways to bless others and reach out to people (Luke 10:30-37)? Do you try to serve and put others first (Mark 9:35)? Do you keep your word and do what you say you will do (Psalm 15:1-5, especially notice v. 4)?

Race

Wonder what we race for in life....

Time buys money. Money buys things. Things makes one happy.

Race

Yes i like it. Race.

Running somehow takes me back to a place of inner peace.. that nothing else seems to get in the way and that your mind takes a short break when all your body understands is movement and panting.... wheezing... heh rhonchi perhaps?

Yes i found where i used to be and where i always draw my inner comfort from once again. Guess it always happen like that, doesnt it? Life is always full of ups and downs.

All downs will culminate in a eventual up =)

Nice nice. Am pretty happy once more. Good thing it sets the right mood before the big day!

Oh ho how exccitttingg!!! =DDD

Wonder

I wonder why i am telling you so much.... perhaps its cos you are one of the first people who actually brought me onto this journey that i am devoting my life to right now....

Yet somehow i just wonder if trust misplaced would ever come back.... i guess the answer would be no....

Dont you know? Someone who gets burnt fears the fire...

Home of Poi Discount Code

Type in xperience for your 15 % discount =)

Because of You, I Believe

Time seems to fly by... really quickly when one is engaged in so many things... that i decided to write this down of this day.. that next time when i look back, i would know that ah yes this was a time of re conviction.

There i laid in the water... looking at the full moon up there in the sky... the water just enveloping my surroundings... making me cold.. weak.. that i felt a need.... a pressing need to reaffirm what i am living for... that i want to reaffirm that not because of the fact that i want to... but deep down i know i need to.

I rmb being pushed backwards by the sudden draft of wave and yes i become completely submerged within the next moment... water went up my nostrils.... air left me.... i just fell deep .... deep into the water..... nothing around me seems to matter... water reaching my pharynx din even bother me the least of bit... why? I wonder.

Perhaps when you are so keen and focussed on what you want to achieve, what you seek, what you desire within that moment... everything takes a lower priority than that... and yes... everything. Even if water were to enter your lungs... Guess thats what it should be all about.

Focus on the right thing. Focus not on things that will just pass you by... but on things that are eternal, that will be forever... in the presence of eternity. Yet i felt you calling out once again to me to ditch all the areas in my life that are just becoming perhaps a by product of the kind of life i am leading right now.... Yes i heard you. & yes with that couple of falls. I am convicted to follow.

I will be the son you have called me to be... i will be the brother you called me to be... i will be the light you called me to be... that when others see me... they see you ... instead of me... that i will be for you...

Days to Destiny

Every single moment i spend right now brings me closer to tomorrow... that i already know what to expect.. isnt twice the experience sufficient to bring you enough confidence and control... to master... to exude... to behold... to allure...

It is... that perhaps right now what affects me is no longer the skills.. no longer the confidence.. but perhaps the mood that others instill within me... i need to get to where i am.. i need to get to where i need to go... i need to be there.... that only then can the full flow come by....

Come for i am ready... less than 20 hrs...

The passion of fire.. water... elements. Energy... pure energy and charisma combined together...

Trance. Allure.

Thanksgiving

Thank you for all that you have showered upon me, that you love is unfailing, your touch is relentless, your gifts are everlasting, you comfort is continuous... that my thanks and glory that i bring for you will be forever more...

A great work for SCS. Let more be done through my hands for your name.

Purpose

What you said would always be in my mind.

Somehow it jolted certain nerves, pushing myself to a different level, reaching for things that were once beyond reach, or was thought of to be beyond the reaches of yourself... I wonder... a bit of doubt, a bit of conviction, sort of sitting on the fence.. trying to balance it well...

Yet i know with so many things that come together to make me who i am right now... and [erhaps more to add to in future.... would only transform me even further.. perhaps even beyond my control... that words could speak so much more into peoples lives ... that eyes could read way beyond what sight could normally tell... that contact could evoke things even more than the basic level of touch...

I don't know who i will be.. but i know who i will be for....

Few more years... flow with the flow...

Allure - Surpassing The Supernatural

Amazing prep.... amazing set up... alluring allure.... 1 week ++...

Guess its still exciting even though its the third one... =)

Yet... I Wonder

Sometimes it just makes you wonder doesnt it? That why does time fly past you ever so quickly? Is it cos of age catching up with you? That you become more oblivious to the fact that things are passing you by, perhaps at an accelerated speed? That you forget that every moment that was spent was actually part of your life a few moments ago? That it went past as though it never even happened in your life? I forget...

I totally forget....

Yet everyday convicts me with the same purpose of who i am living for...
Yet everyday reaffirms my every thought in why i am doing what i am doing...
Yet everyday confirms where i am heading is nearer to the final goal in life through my every action...

Sometimes i just wonder when the years catch up with me... i guess i will be old and haggard... maybe lively.. but thats beside the point.. would i be able to look back and see all i have done, and say ' yes it was good'? Would all that be reaffirmed by you saying that to me when i meet you?

1 month from now ... 21.
So much that was done before i finally reach this first mark in life...

Staff Spinning. Juggling. Mentalism. Magic. Poi Spin. Balloon Sculpting. Marketing. Business. Concerts.

How much would they show me what life really is?
Life is boundless... Achievements are endless... Final Destination is final...

Rebbie still rocks... haha but yes u always cheer me up =)
I still seek your next level...

Mesmerised

Feels good to be young again =)

Flow... still flowing... waiting for you....

And yes... sometimes you think you simply know it all... and guess what...

the next moment you are proven sooooo wrong... BUT.. i like that.. haha

Guess its good to always be reminded that nobody alone is sufficient ... so much beyond normal thinkable means... my my... haha flow flow!!! contact!! omg.. this is the thing...

1 year from now i guess... haha maybe shorter... see how....

Mm do you think you have perfected poi? Somewhat maybe... somewhat...

Contact. Flow... Period.

EOPTee

Nuts... so much to rmb.... nuts nuts.. haha char ur fave la... all the nuts... hahaha

BUT i am so happy to have done some impulse buying... nice nice... shall see it come in a few days time.. woo hooo!!! =DD

1 more day to freedom... haha see how tm....

Your Touch

Realised its been quite some time since i last came here to write...

Well.. cos its been busy!! With all the work & fun.. intermixed together... giving a life that is ever so fulfilling...

Nice..

Watched God's Chisel... Reminded me of where i once was when you picked me up... raised me up... changed me... chiseled me to who i am today.. that you will always continue to chisel away at me... that i would willingly and wholehearted accept every single strike....

I would rather see more of you and less of me....

Still remember how it hurts you more than it could ever hurt me... how much more could i not bear? I can =)

I liked that video... let me always come back when i need to re-know you once more... even deeper... somehow everytime i watch that clip it always speaks new areas into me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY

Another session of sharing today.. how nice... & yes allure is really getting awesomely alluring.. anticpating allure... totally

Realised how much i love fire... signifies passion, power, flow. How nice would it be to allow it to enrapture oneself totally... i look forward to the day that i manipulate the force all around... that it will just be a smooth pattern of flow.. turning twisting dancing in every dimension...

I give all of my days... for all of your ways.

Friday....

Guess its one week from now that i will see you again... I still remember the first time we met... so much wisdom within... so much admiration.... so much respect....

Still everytime we meet it just means another short session of treatment... another short but tolerable session of pain and renewal...

How well technology works nowadays.... i look forward to seeing you again...

Deeply Entranced

Still remember every single movement you made within the short amount of time... the voice... the melody.... simply entrancing....

When would we meet again? I wonder...

Allure - Surpassing The Supernatural

How awesome... Catch your tickets @ any toa payoh CCs... distribution would be pretty soon when the posters are up... =)

R.O.S

Mm... time of maturity... time of thought... time of surpassing the self... =)

Cheer Up!

Are you irritated cos of me? =(

Guess not... still
Cheer UP!! =)

20th Anniversary

Today was totally awesome.

Best... so much to write... yet so little time. Let's summarise..

Morning = Glory Defined + Purpose Defined + Visions + Not to put God in boxes....

Late Morning = Sleep + Renaissance + Balloons & Fun & Fireworks

Evening = Night of Enchantment (awesome ok!)


Ok we shall continue from evening... yes yes.. now i realise what i look for... nice voice is one... makes a person stand out.... very much so. Its really a joy to listen to you all singing in such melodious manner that yes whenever i closed my eyes back then i feel myself elecated to a different state. Thank you. I appreciate the relaxation.

HANYANG! You did a good job! =) Still comp was tough, so dun take it upon urself. But yes its really good stuff... i am so glad i went =) Thanks rebbie =D

Oh yes... talk about power and humility... doesnt really come together actually... power = power, humility = humility. Power is seen on stage and humility is seen off stage... somehow, certain people fall into a place where one is high and the other one is low... must really strike a balance.

But well, u are good... really good. I was truly impresssed =) good job. butter factory suits you. haha... may you be a master in that area.

Since now i am in the mood, the box topic... everyone tells you to put things in perspectives... to categorise... a wonderful way to save memory space and to organise things fast... and yes i did that for almost everything... how smart.. no wonder i din breakthrough from the level i reached last time... YES GOD IS NOT IN A BOX HELLO!! Just a gentle~ reminder... HE IS NOT!

Dont you remember he is omnipresent, and you cant fit him into a little box in your mind... rmb that. pls. else you will just be noobified and you wont even realise the problem... how dumb would that be... denial?

So glad for what you showed me today. Somehow the words you say dont have to be long and flowery, simple and direct was impactful enough. Touching heaven, changing souls. I look forward to your seven gifts. I have dismantled the little box btw... how nice. you are in all my boxes now. =DDD

& I realised an additional thing that makes me happy..... =)))

True Joy baby...True joy
See it manifest totally in theatre in ~ Allure ~ we shall see ...

Post Joy

Don't really want to miss this feeling. That of being able to submit totally to you once again that once again I realise and double convict myself of who I am living for. Somehow your analogy of the young brother running around exploring a world by his own mark of wisdom corresponds so much with what I have went through ever since that last concert...

So many times have I tried to make certain things happen and that by my own will to will the bike faster did I speed on to come so near to crashing, yet you always pull me away before I crash badly. Always.

Let us not forget to stay on the correct path that we don't deviate from what the truth says and slip back into what the young and old brother hold to.

Double conviction of joy in you. Its been some time since I felt this way. To be able to release every single worry onto the ground before I step unto your courts. Still remember what you led me to see. Casting every single burden before I come to you. Feels awesome doesn't it? Knowing that you will take care of every single circumstance and that you always have a perfect plan. I remember that joy swelling up within so much that even my open hands couldn't contain the happiness within. I was smiling. Somehow it did not resemble a smile on a normal day. I know you are there. :)

Still you left without saying a word. That somehow a voice in me calls me to accord you the same kind of closeness despite what you constantly say to me. Dashing a person down would that be encouragement? The voice comes and say how many times can you not forgive that I can still forgive you despite what you have done all these while? I strain a smile, hit a topic, hoping it will go forth. Yes it did, but disappeared within that of a few moments as you utter what you would say again. How long more would we confine ourselves to the frames and rules that bind people so tightly? It only gets tighter on the already constrained soul. Just that you do not see it.

Lord I yield my control. Convicted.

Festival of Praise

Festival of Praise. Once in a year.. 3 nights of wisdom, power, hope, love, knowledge. Transcending beyond what normal dimensions in the human world can comprehend. Do you think that one would be able to comprehend what lies beyond this dimension when he has walls built all around above, below, across in all directions? Almost analogous to forming a well and hiding within.. and guess what, putting an additional lid on and hoping to even see the face of the sun or even a speck of sunlight.

Nope, thats not how it works. He calls for openess and a heart of humility... Broken spiritedness that he can thus work through... He needs your walls to be fully broken just like an alabaster flask of wondrous scent that could not even give off the slightest aroma until it is broken, unleashing its perfume unto others. He needs your brokeness before everything else could even take place... before his glory fall, his kingdom come....

So ...
Break me ... Completely... That i may rise up again with renewed vigor in this new year for you.

Renaissance

I still remember somehow... 1 year ago .. you were still here with me. All the practice... all the work... all the prep.

So much joy... sweat... and well no tears. Haha. It was sweet... good. Wonder how it was like in the end when i decided to move away from grand illusions to be who i am today... hmm i still remember the words you said 1 week... or was it 2 weeks after the concert ended. Seems a bit blurred out but the gist is still there...

Yup i realised that we did grand illusions without even the fundamental teachings... maybe thats why it did not turn out to be perfect for you... That i can be solely accountable for...

Perhaps right now so much study into this area of magic have brought me back to where i wanted to be last time... to be like copperfield... to be a grand illusionist... to do the visual enchanting magical illusions that gives the 'taa daa' effect... mesmerising... it is .... very.

I know not whether to head back... Space constraint is a big problem and the need to constantly train someone else doubles the difficulty... perhaps we can do grand illusions but we shall still stick to grand solos first... before i can find enough confidence to bring someone up again... i wont let it fall this time...

So much that a person have yet to see and when he thinks he knows enough... enough is never enough.... Nothing ever comes close to making one know all...

Do you still yearn to know more... more? Somehow the answer eludes me.... you feel the urge to know but then again you already know so much ... isnt it time to perfect and consolidate what you already know..?

Amazed.... still....
Fusing Magic With Mentalism - Allure

Looking Back

Mystique was really really a great experience. Come to think of it... it did not recur the way it shouldnt have. Perfect memories, isnt it? Beautiful. Exceedingly. Far beyond what words could normally represent.

Collection C by han yang is up. So sorry it took soooo long.. Many photos + loads of work = long time.

Beautiful. Sweet. These memories would always be there. Every single moment of working with you guys, every single moment that was spent preparing for the concert itself, every single minute on stage, every single minute offstage, every single friend who was there, every face, every smile, every applause. I remember. Feels as though i am living that time again and again.

How wonderful would it be to store up those memories and be able to extract them and see it first hand again... That i could relive every single time i am down.

Perfect way of cheering up.

Once again... somehow it reminds me to keep up with skills and the latest technologies... That somehow whenever you think you are there... it just shows the distance away before you are there....

So much more to know... So much more to digest... So much more progress....

We Wander Within Wonders.

Dffecto

What a cool post! =D

I shall coin this word as the effect of not enough sleep causing one to want to sleep more...

Problems gone! I am happy for you =)

Perspectives

Perhaps sometimes being too nice to people around you is not being nice to yourself... perhaps you can choose to be nicer to yourself even if means you have to be less nice to others... perhaps...

Its a dilemma isn't it? To help, yet not love?

Sometimes i wonder how He holds so still to what he holds to....

Teach me that i can hold on to what you hold on to so steadily as well..

Seeing your glory this saturday.... Faith. Hope. Love. Power. Wisdom.

What you once said still ring in my ears... what you do for others may not always gratify... but what you do for yourself always do....

Life

Rocks again =DD

when you are no longer sick HAHA!!!

Down

What happens when you come so close to losing hold of control of your own body... that you can no longer command your body at will like it used to? The fingers no longer open at freewill..... every moment standing up is a game of chance... seeing whether you will fall the next instant or whether your legs can hold you till you are back on the bed....

It seems different. Every muscle groans at you. Every sight caught by your eye multiples the pain within. Every single thought exacerbates the pain in the head itself. I still remember. HURTS!! OMG!

I am thankful that the worse is over. Seriously. The past few days just made me realise how much i depended on you to lead me through every passing moment. That you are the only thought that keeps me going when all else fades away. How interesting. Its as though you meant for all this to happen tha ti could be once again ever so close to you again.

Thankful....

Learning

Bakerzin = Love = Joy =D

Allure a.k.a 魅力计划

A - Awesome
L - Lovely
L - La' Pasion
U - Unxplained
R - Reality
E - Enrapture

Mesmerised =) Very....

Revisited

Same place, same song, same love, revisited.

Yet all feels different. Different. Somehow. Knowledge changes the perspective of things. It changes how we view things for what they are... that somehow, knowledge brings about actions and change. That we know that we know we will effect certain changes based on what we know.

Yet, would you double consider if that knowledge is false? Nope. For it is what has been said. And i would always love to take things at face value.... certain things you just dont need the extra effort to do mind reading.... That should be how life is like... right?

Once again, i feel you so close, so near... reminds me of the time that i thought that i was close, yet i wasnt. Probably it was just what i thought... that i thought that i can fall... i can drop away from this... from that... and still keep so close? False security i guess... don't you think?

Reminded....

FoP is in 2 weeks.... Anticipation. Vision. Dream.

Gift From Above

Do you always have the feeling that you know something? That you are so sure that it is definite? That it just cannot go apart from your plan? Do you?

Sometimes this sense of confidence is what makes you who you are. Yet at other times, it is that which causes you to fall... pathetically flat where you are.

You think you have reached, but you are all the more far from it.

Still remember yesterday, what you had spoken resounded in my ears after the first segment... I remember. It just felt like it materialised within the fraction of a few hours. Prayers never came true so fast... sadly, its not a prayer that could be trifled with.

You remember that moment, dont you? And right after the first segment, the applause that is heard for the next act was just so inspiring. It wasnt for me though, but it made me remember what you said. I remember there i was, stepping out from where i am, seeing things with a even more humble perspective. I did.

Somehow, the touch and feel felt different during the second segment, the flow, the mood, the articulation, the mastery... all just seemed to flow like they should... with no previous inhibition. It was pure mentalism.

Somehow, i will always remember what you said.
Rom 12:3.

Gift From Above
Use it to bless others, for His kingdom's sake.

Pretty

Don't you think?

Purity

Create in me a clean heart.
As i come away into your presence once more.

How much more could i not forgive after what you have done for me?

=)

Life

Is not what i thought. Things are not what they are always meant to be. its a changing world isnt it? Things can change within a fraction of a second... with the spur of an action, a twist of the tongue... it doesnt come close to edification.

Why should i even care so much if you don't? Maybe its because i treasure too much to even allow myself yo be affected... i shouldnt. Should i?

Still, whats said is said. Whats done is done. Turning back? Do i always have to turn back?

Still, i let go...

Why should you even cling on to something that doesnt bring you edification... Ever thought about it? Just because you are in a more privileged position doesnt mean you can use it as you wish...

Thanksgiving

How long do you take to reconcile with what you are right now? Time passes by ever so fast that one can just be so different within a couple of years... I look back and i see what I was last time, and i reflect and compare it with the current self. What's different? Almost everything.

For the better.

That i am thankful for what your light has led me to see...
That i am thankful that i can have these hands of faith to create anything your kingdom desires...
That i am thankful for what great friends you have blessed me with...
That i am thankful the strength you have put within me...
That i am thankful that you are always here when i need to talk to...
That i am thankful that the list is everlastingly long, and never ending, ever multiplying
I am thankful.

What more can man do unto me that i can not take?

Indefinite

Time is so short yet for some people it becomes shorter within a fraction of a second. When they see a visible lump protruding from within their skin or certain noticeable changes... everything changes within that second. That second when someone walks right next to your bed and tells you that they have seen something, and that the journey ahead of you which was once clear now becomes indefinite... definitely indefinite.

Sad isn't it? Anyone can get it... you... me... anyone. The little girl by the corner of the street, the stranger that walks into that grand building, the friend that you used to say hi and bye to, the close one that you are used to seeing and sharing everything with. Anyone. Human life is so fragile. We can plan how our lives go, yet we can never ensure how it will go.

Even with life, every single path is indefinite. How much more do you think it does not resemble a path that could easily be obstructed by barriers and bumps here and there, that you have to make a U turn, retreating from the path that you thought was the one that you would take? Do you really know where life would go? You are good at what you do, letting you see what lies ahead, yet the path always... always is shrouded with so many uncertainties. People around you influence what you think was once true.. that you feel affected and reconsider your initial stand point. Do you reconsider or do you hold to your initial standpoint?

You try....

I have made my move, yet all that is around me suggests that it is the wrong one, do i believe the dreams that could have come from Him, or do i believe the lies that have came from things all around me... Do i believe? It is your move now.

1 week of edification.

Use these hands for what they have learnt are to do as your will please, that what i do before i am gone will only edify your kingdom, that may you be remembered and i forgotten.

Allurette

Allure is on 29th August...

Awesomeness is only defined by what is done and created... not what is thought of and not accomplished. =)

Allure

When the sound of music emanates from within yourself and touches every single cell within your body, all the way from the limbs, moving upwards your trunk then up your spine and crescending at the level of your temples, you feel yourself at perfect ease. It's as though this waft of relaxation spreads beyond what your mind can even imagine. Every single thought is erased at that instant and you come so close to perfect peace... that you understand that all that is left is tranquility, that nothing else could even come close to distracting you.

The draw from the tone, the pitch, the melody, is ever so sweet. Sweeter than honey, gentler than the trickling streams, and like the unending river... it loops again and again in your mind, bringing you to where you though you never be after such a long day.

Tiredness seems to be non existent. It doesnt even come into the picture. All you feel is that soothing melody stroking every single cell in your body... soothing it... relaxing it. That you know that this is actually where you belong.

Allure.... I delve deep within to rise again knowing i have seen how deep your love is... i glance across the oceans to see how wide your acceptance is... It is... alluring.

Truth

Loves his cg mates a lot. =)

Adversity either brings diversity or unity. Guess what it brought. =)

Touched and loved.

Loss

I remember sitting there biting away at the burger on my hands... Somehow it just did not taste the way should be like. It was bland and tasteless. Very. Wonder how I actually finished that piece of food..

I remember still sitting there waiting the bus to come. Vehicles pass me by ... Fleeting through the corner of my eye. Somehow something just feels different. You know it. Don't you?

Its as though a part within you has been let go of... You feel somewhat lighter... Yet at the same time the inner structure is disturbed. Affected? Somewhat. I no longer fully comprehend how the body works... Emotions beyond words... No word truly describes what one feels...

I guess that's what happens when someone that you love and care about get hit by something so sudden and abrupt. Interestingly it breaks you down faster than incidents that hit you directly. Strange isnt it?

Is this what it means to live for others? That what other people around you feel would affect you more so than what you feel yourself? For you have let loose of what you should be feeling.. for yourself? Feels strange that one could feel exactly what others around you are going through... it felt like a hidden form of telepathy... as though you live through their lives within the fraction of a second... and come to a final state where you can comprehend.... in fact, more than comprehend... actually feeling what they felt... simultaneously. Strange.

I don't comprehend. Still... Why should it be like so?

Love & Judgement

Sometimes the person whom you love and care for the most becomes the person who hurts you the most.

What do you do when that happens?
Do you continue loving and caring for the person?
Or do you distant yourself further to prevent yourself from getting hurt?

Christianity is not perfect. It is the strive to perfection - in which perfection is defined by the image of Jesus.

We are all not perfect. No one is. Do you not know? Anyone who says he or she is perfect all in all is imperfection at its perfection.

You know something? Christians Judge, as do with all other people. Sad to say that... but it is the reality of things... how things are like in life.

When you see a person... you would definitely size up the person based on appearance, character, and talent. Whatever the person projects over in any of these areas is immediately pieced into a mental puzzle to be classified to your "dumping ground" or "good friends" area. Through conversation and actions, the person oscillates between either end of the spectrum.

Of course, those who go to the "good friends" spectrum, you find yourself talking to them more often, caring for them more than others, finding a increased willingness to help them as you know that they always accept you for who you are, and that whatever they say are never intentionally hurtful.

Then comes the "dumping ground", the place that they clutter together with their similar kind of character... you judge don't you? Based on? Values? Morals? What is the yardstick?

Yardstick... Where does one get one? How is it formed... you ask... Through experience, both that of others and that of yourself... Ginosko. That this yardstick is formed.

We strive not to judge... but fail miserably... thats why we are who we are... and not Jesus. No one ever comes to be Him. But we try. Failure is a measure of success. Isn't it?

So what's the rationale for " dumping ground" and "good friends"?

Ever wondered?

It is to prevent yourself from being hurt. That you know that if you put people from dumping ground in your good friends list... what they do and say... over time, gets overtly hurtful... cos you care for them much that what they say means so much to you...

What happens if "good friends" throw you hurtful words?

Same thing. You get hurt. I wouldnt care if someone from dumping ground said that. But if it was to come right from what you think... that would hurt... wouldnt it? Why? Cos i care...

Do i choose to distant myself that i wont be hurt anymore... that i could develop a kind of obsolete coldness that pushes every emotion away?

I wonder. People need encouragement, comfort, and support to spur each other on. Words that are hurtful are not meant to be said.

Let my words edify.

We are called to love and encourage one another.... covenant in you.

Going Beyond

70 %. Is that all you can take? Oh yes... it does elicit a cough response... that the burning sensation just floods your palate and overwhelms every single salivary gland. The feeling hits the brain within seconds... eroding any thoughts that one may previously have... well.. at least for a couple of seconds.. before the sensation of honey sweet aroma multiply within the oral cavity. Nice. Try it?

Wonder if that is what people normally do to dull their senses... to drown their knowledge of the world around them... that they may reach an area of perfect tranquility... free from any form of worries that may tug at them...All the strangulating ropes seem to be liberated ever so freely... interesting way man have found to allow them to come close to perfect peace..

Sadly. It does not last. Why? Isn't there a way for this peace to be perfect and eternal? Probably so... but definitely not within the formal theory... Still it is a irrefusable offer that one could always dwell in...

Guess God only gives as much as you can take... never beyond....
He knows so much more that you won't even know that who are you to judge the present whether it is good or not?
Trusting in You alone....

Touched

Amazing what some people can do for you even when you have not done much for them =)

Gratitude

It is not about the little things that you all had done throughout the concerts. Nope, its not. How much can a person remember with his limited capacity in his mind... that it is just impossible for one to remember every single thing... but yes.. the one thing that is forever etched in my mind is the conviction and willingness each of you had in your special way when you agreed to help.

The willingness to help just brought forth the concerts.... that i know that its not about me... its all about you guys. Remember someone coming up and telling me how much they admire how i can manage the concerts so well, my mind was on the efforts that each of you put forth. The commitment that every one of you had in your hearts. Without doubt, they surmount what i put in for the concert. A production is not a one man effort.

I love you all for who you are and not what you have done.

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

More of You, Less of Me

Run was good. Realised how much more i am dependent on you when i am worn out physically... that you remember to carry on running the race because of the end that you can see in front of you... the end that you may or may not see..

Its a constant motivational force that drives you to persevere... its the same with life... isnt it? Just that life is a longer race... and doesnt end within the span of 1 hour... that it is influenced by people around us... as well as things around us... rather than just the mere track and greenery that envelopes our sight.

Even such a short journey was enough to drive thoughts of slowing down... giving up into my head.. do you not know that the devil is strong at suggestion? He is... even more so in life.

Persevere my young friend. That you will be mature and complete. If you lack wisdom, call out and it will be given freely. It was... for me, as it will be, to you.

Inevitably, looking through photos brought me back to the past concert... that i know that areas i had to improve on... for you all, who gave up time and effort so freely for the project. I am determined not to make the same mistake twice. And i will not. I promise. May Father lead the way upon the narrow path. You are always a lamp unto my feet.

Falling...

I don't want to. Guess i care too much to see either of us getting hurt. Guess my feelings are clouded by what i should really be feeling. How much more would this last? It should just go... go with my blessings that you may be happy and cheerful for who you are... I bless you... with all my heart.

Let thy feeling pass that i may be true to your will rather than mine. Let every step i take bring me closer towards your will and your desire... for i am no longer who i am ... let me always remember. Nothing that can take me away from you...

Let me remember who i am living for...

Thanksgiving

Once more, no matter how much i plan... you always lead the way. Turning out to be for the better in retrospect. How much more do you not trust Him? When He could give all he had for you... bearing reproach and abuse... what more could you not give up as well?

Broken Conviction

Break me... I felt myself crying out. When? Now. Where? Here. Why? Cos I felt you calling out to me. Reminding me of every single action that I acted on during the past few days. It was only days and I already felt so overwhelmed by all I have done. Is this who I am called to be? Does that attribute even come close to being christ like? Break me down father... My call of conviction tonight, won't you answer?

You did. Create in me a heart of humility. Father. Thank you. Thank you lord. Break down all the pride within... That all that I am is in you, all that I say would edify your people, all that I do would serve your kingdom. Once I promised to let you have control over my hands and skill... Now I give you control of my tongue, my mind... That full control is in you, father.

I do not ask for perfection.
I seek your salvation.
I do not ask for power.
I seek the seed of faith.
I do not belong here.
I have seen how you were broken for me, realised how you broke me too, that I would understand what it is to be broken for others...

To be a debtor. What I do for you is not what I need from you, its what I owe you.

Allure

Beautifully Alluring

Contact

To let your mind run perfectly clear and let the sound of music flood your existence. There is nothing else purer when you are there alone at the clearing coming face to face with the one who gives you your destiny. Let every word that is uttered resound in your tympanic that you may feel and understand the deeper meaning within, allowing your soul to take root in the foundation that has already been laid.

Your motions are swift and continuous, like a flowing river; at times you speed up, at time you slow down, you isolate, as though the water that surrounds seems to hold you still, freezing you.

Your fluidity is pure and unbroken. Graceful like what it can be as the staff encircles that area around you, engulfing everything within, drawing a clear distinction between here and the outside.

I long to be able to continue fully in your presence, to be able to let your energy flow through my soul, shining with radiance that beautifies the world.

I open my eyes and am back to where i was... only stronger.

Refreshed & Ready

Finally the break is over and clinics will start once again ...

It was truly a fruitful break and once again we are ready to face what is ahead of us....

=)

Hope you 2 rested well too =D

Clash of the Titans

I wonder when clinics start again where would i be? Would i still have enough time and drive to devote myself to fulfilling your purpose in magic? Would i be able to juggle both at the same time? Would i have enough energy within me? Would i still that strong in those areas?

I wonder. But i have faith. =)

You will scale mountains and walk oceans... for you live by faith...

Faith

That I realise that i can have complete faith in you whenever i need to perform... anything and everything will just happen because we already know it will happen.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, skill is in the hands of the conjurer, faith is in the heart of the mentalist.

Fulfillment

Its as though you can actually see what it will be like next time... in a couple of years... down the road... it all seems so clear as though you are living right through it right now.... Do you like that kind of life? Yes i do. Full of overflowing joy that spreads on to others. Being able to use your gift for others.

Meaningful? Yes. Very.

How much more do i long for you every passing day? To see what you would require of me to do for your kingdom. To be moulded by you in every single way till i am perfect in your sight. That i could be who i am in you. Above what the world seeks... above what people define me to be.... above what others dare me to achieve... above what my own ability can reach... above all.

Yesterday i made a covenant with you to serve in areas i have to serve. Not that i am not serving... but a physical form of stepping out commits me totally to you. That i would remember when and what it was that gave me the drive... that i would remember this motivation from within even when i am tired... that i could seek strength and solace from that kind of conviction when i am shaken or down. That you will remind me constantly of what i have pledged to you.

On a lighter note.... abel! Thanks for opening your house!! It was awesome! =) and your cat is super cute... love it. =) we should come to your house more often. And i guess even though only a handful of us were there... what was shared between was sufficient to remind us constantly of who we are in christ. =)

Elin. God Bless. It will be a wonderful year ahead for you... no matter what mountain lies in front of you... you will always scale it not just because we are behind you... but cos the lord will lift you up. Way above it so you can land safely on the other end. Stronger.. and with even more visions. =)

Covenant

Do you remember when was the last time you made a covenant with Him? One that you have sworn to keep... and follow... with all of your heart.. all your soul... for you already live for Him.

Do you remember?

Yet sometimes what we agree upon... to love others fervently... it is definitely agreed upon... but do we really carry what it means behind those words.

The words you said resound in my ears.

Primary Intention. Means of Doing It. Consequences.
The three make up an entity as to why we do what we do, and whether or not it is right or wrong.

When the crunch time comes... the time for you to make a decision.. such as doing a pr without consent... would you do it? Would you do it? Cos the others are looking at you? Expecting you to do it when he or she is turned over.... so that they do not even know it? Would you do it? At all? Or what would you do?

Get verbal consent? Of course... BUT what if they don't agree? You may say that that would make you look obviously dumb in the sight of the clinician as well as the other students... ppl may think... ppl may think.... you are trying to act righteous... you there trying to be someone else? Who are you trying to be? Jesus? You are not even close to him... so stop acting....

Its just respecting the patients dignity. Without dignity... ppl are just like products.. being used for every other purpose... to others gain... not even considering whether it hurts others... whether this person is still a living soul... a child of God... someone that we have promised long ago to love fervently. For we have agreed upon that... haven't we? Don't we remember what we said? Loving others fervently?

You read the bible don't you? Don't you remember assuredly i say to you what you do onto others, you have also done onto me? Do you think for one moment... that Father will let it pass by cos of ur own primary intention to learn... but with the wrong means? Would you even do the pr IF it was Jesus himself there, lying there...? You would? Do you not know how much he had already went through just for us? And you still bear to give him that kind of treatment?

I cant... i .... just cant. Remind me father... remind me... for my soul lives for you ... seeking your face.. give us strength to stand up to the reality of this world... let us see beyond every soul that we even come close to cutting down... a way... father... to handle it...

A World With A Vision

Ever fasted before? And felt that kind of hunger and rummaging in your stomach? As though something was clenching your stomach and your world starts to slow down and spin a little?

What do you do to solve that? Food. =) Eat.

Every piece of food that we consume is something that we take for granted. Do you ever think of whether you are going to have food for the next meal in the day? I guess not... you probably think of what you want to buy to eat...

World Vision: A Vision for the World... To see famine end.... To see Children not worrying about their next meal... Whether there is indeed food on the table for them to satisfy their hunger pangs...

Would you think of them next time before you cast away food on the plate.. just because you are full.. you dun feel like eating...?

Salvos... A triad... To Salvation. =)

Rememberance & Growth

When you look back at so many years of magic... its like... 8 years plus? So much memories.. so much props... so many tricks... do you remember when you first did every single effect? They are so dear and close to your heart... remember the first time you performed magic? The first time when you brought that few cards to showcase that effect? You remember it don't you?

Yet right now... growing up.. it seems like as we grow up... we let go of things around us and we don't grow back. We grow up. That's what life is all about. Moving on. Proceeding from glory to glory.

Do you still remember those hands that trembled before the few audience? Now they are hands equipped with confidence and definitive touch... Amazing dexterity and swiftness.... We don't grow back to who we were....

I cast down so many effects.... effects that i feel i have outgrown. There's so much more out there ... ever waiting for the mind to explore and revel in...

That first touch that changed my life.... another touch that brought me back from pieces.... one more that gave me visions and dreams.... and to know that what we could achieve is no longer limited by what we perceive... its all... supernatural.

Agreement

How i could concur so much with what you felt after what i saw today... A sudden case of epilepsy right around the area when i was practising... I went there... they apparently looked quite proficient in handling the epilepsy... as though they have handled it so many times before. Me? Never? I know cyanosis.... increase venous return... check pulse... airways patent... what else? Do you know what to do? Not really...

No one taught... is that a good excuse? I am still young.... would that suffice?

I stood there.... kind of helpless... kind of wanting to help but not knowing what is beneficial. It lasted for around 10 minutes which seemed to whiz by somehow.. maybe cos of my tiredness... She became okay thereafter... as though auto healing.. ambulance came... picked her up... her bbq friends brought her to safety and i left....

Result? I will be stronger. What happens when you feel insufficient? Don't doubt and move on in faith.... He is greater in you, more so than you think....

Time Flies

Its as though time is no longer something that matters in this world. Age is just a number. Date is just a word. Year is just a combination of digits. Do we actually remember everyday for what date it is, what time it is? I guess not. But the things that come together with it are priceless.... perfect memories... moments of euphoria... lengths of over the moon... exhilarating feeling. Its nice to remember.

Time flies though. Do you remember when the term has just ended? Its already 1 week plus since that day... almost 2... and it still feels like yesterday that you are rushing here and there seeking signs and symptoms. This 2 weeks have been really really fulfilling.

I guess its when you are encircled with lovely memories.. things that drive your life... your passion. You no longer put time in as a factor. It totally does not occur to you how much longer the rest of the day is... but instead all you think of is what time you have to be there for the event itself. What time this is going to happen... Things zoom past ... hours fly by ... day turns into night once again and the cycle ensues.

Do i love life for what it is? Do i love life for what it carries for me? Do i love life all the purposes it has provided me with?

I do. Life rocks. =)

Pain

Do you realise how pain it is? Amazing extents that people can endure just to see perfectness.. Still... the high power beam is a bit over the top... It still hurts now.... lobsters.

Dont you just await to see what happens when its over?

Inner Fire

Ever wondered how come everyone is unique? How each person is special in his or her own way?

Just like how we wont know the power behind a fire without touching and experiencing it. We wont know a person until we have seen the hidden talents that were never showcased before. Everyone rocks. Just whether you discover it. When you do, you realise the person is great. When you dont, you will just assume that the person is just a mere person off the streets.

Appreciate everyone for who they are. They are never too insignificant to be a part of your life. You never know.

Pain.

How pain is pain? 4/10. Ever wondered how it feels like to be burnt by fire... pretty radically? Its pain. Fire is dangerous.... looks bewildering .... hurts when you dont know how to control it.

Control =)

Do I Always Know?

No... i dont. I need you to tell me.

Direction

You Came From Heaven to Earth
To Show The Way
From The Earth To the Cross
My Debts to Pay
From the Cross to the Grave
From The Grave to the Sky
Lord I Lift Ur Name Up High

Jesus died for me on the cross, so now i live for him, for others.

Prayer Revisited - Mary Alice

Prayer is many things and does many things. James 5.16.

We are not strengthless, helpless, hopeless in the lord. We need to use the tools in prayer. Always praying for a purpose. Prayer must be effective with a new renewing touch of the word, fervent & passionate. Drink from the river of life from the lord thru passionate prayer.

Personal prayer life - prayer language motivates us to be his witnesses in all the world.

2 things that make you strong, word of god renewing your mind, prayer in worship and in tongues.

Prayer influences the atmosphere around you - the presence of god comes AROUND you, allows for fellowship with the spirit rom 8.26 opens the door to the supernatural, speaks revelation & destiny 1 cor 14.1 which he shows to you, new things come all the time, so you always have to upgrade, strengthens us - makes our spirit man bigger jude 20.21.

I found my peace in you. Living for you and not for me anymore.

Your Song As My Life

Songs.... Are they just mere lyrics that we repeat over and over again to the rhythm.. to the tunes of the song itself? For us to repeat the words of praise and worship that we never actually understood? Words that we sing with confidence but no conviction?

Interestingly enough... i wonder how many of us wonder how these songs came about.... Did you ever wonder? Or ever felt drawn to seek an answer?

I found my song composed in the midst of the wind gushing across my face. Emotions that come and sweep you to where you belong... your destiny.. your vision.... your dreams... All these that has already been put in you when he gave it all on the cross.

You have your own song... like i have mine. Singing that is a thousand times more noteworthy for our father than songs of others... that you know, that He knows.

Fill these lives once again, i want to touch their hands, make their lives whole again.

Seeing

To see your glory defined. =)

2 weeks plus more.

Translation

Hospital was quite a sight... somewhat intimidating when you are no longer under the protective cloak of labcoat and pass... Temperature checks and gantries hold new meaning to you... as though you are someone they are wary of. Lost. What other word could be used to describe the feeling when i saw you? Lost for words... lost in thought... lost in translation... every single logical thought was mysteriously taken away... as though i no longer know who i am... but i was in you world... Just taking in things around you and seeing from your perspective. What could i do to help? Lighten the mood with my qns and perhaps.. rhetoric qns.... I rmb you said the best thing is not to remind you of it... but to treat you just like you were still well. Time flashed past so quickly between the moment i put on the mask and the moment i stepped out of the door. What did i remember? Lost.

What do you do when you feel lost... sad.... kind of crushed by things that are beyond your control?

Not much that i could do to undo it. Certain things are just so beyond our control. Yet... i guess we all learn to take things into our stride, and to use other feelings of happiness to suppress.. overwrite sad memories. The overwriting process is not perfect though. A moment of induced euphoria quickly dissipates once the feed stops.

Would you choose to forget? Or remember?

You will get well... not much more that i can say... but trusting in His perfect plan for you. Hang on!

Still

Being still in spite of circumstaces...

Reminded by the song - Still.

Every single word from the chorus resonates and only reminds me what is important.

I will soar with you above the storm.

That we know and we trust in your perfect plan. For all to work out, for us to have inner peace, and joy, that we can continue to exude your love and charm.

=)

Mystique Medicine 2009

When being in the same course means so much more than just being in the same course. =)

Masque

Somehow i lost count of all the tears that have fallen over the span of less than 24 hours... one can try and avoid thinking about it, and spread a smile across his face as he goes about doing his daily work.. it seems normal, that this person looks happy... laughs... his eyes smile... exuding a indisputable sense of joy.... and thus is happy.

But deep inside... below what the mask that you can look from the outside... you do not see what is within... there is no denial that something tugs so firmly at him... clutching his heart.. wrenching it but it just can't be squashed. Helplessness turns into pain which evokes sadness, overwhelming a soul who always thought that medicine would mean a final solution to illnesses.

You think you even know his deeper feelings? Nope, you don't. He just tries not to show his sadness so blatantly for he wants joy for ppl all around him.

We are all just as susceptible... just that we never saw it that way, until something so close.... so near to you presents itself this way.

World without tears... one day.

On My Mind

You are still constantly on my mind. You do not know, that's all. Every single day would be one of interceding for you. Asking for deliverance... asking for answers... asking for hope. Just hope that yesterday's prognosis is good.

How i long to be there to be able to offer direct comfort....

Ever wondered what magic can do? it only helps to overexcite that tumour... for the first time... magic seems to be unable to give me a solution.

No amount of psycological understanding, sleight of hand, flashy props could even guarantee that happiness or comfort.

Father make a way...

Make A Way

What do you do when things go beyond what you can control? Beyond what you can even imagine or comprehend? Surpassing what your knowledge can explain or respond to? Making one helpless... sort of like a person trying to cross the red sea. You feel helpless, not knowing what to do. You are insuffient. What would you do?

I don't really know. I can't do anything to directly treat that kind of illness. No technology could guarantee a full recovery. No drugs can take that illness totally away. What would I do?

Prayer & action? when action no longer holds enough strength for me to say it with conviction. Prayer? I would be praying for you everyday. Always one of the top most priorities. It just doesnt seem fair that you should be experiencing all this at such an age... when you are just like one of us... a normal person with a indifferent life. Praying for your recovery, that what should go through would go thru. Father make a way. A way for what you have already called us to do. You have already set us to finish it. That we would finish it, in full glory for you. Lord there is not much more that I can ask in this period of time... no other personal issues even come close to this. Complete it, won't you? All that i would ask for... right now... in the whole of this year... even if there is only 1 prayer request that you would grant... let this be the one.

Somehow i feel your affliction. The kind that radiates down to the chest and causes you to weep uncontrollably. How could this be fair? Don't you think? So much for a person to even endure... and a young person who has not even chance to experience life as a whole. Are You going to rob it away? That fast? That quickly? Time seems to fade into oblivion. Somehow i wonder... what it means to be a miracle healer.... no other person could even come close to it. Even technology and human dexterity could not even achieve that. Father, all we ask is this. Make a way.

I want to be down there for you. And i will. I will...

6 Weeks of Wisdom & Purpose

Come to think of it, 6 weeks passed by ever so quickly. We wake up, go there, look and see different cases, come back home, read a bit, fall sleep. And the cycle repeats itself the next day. 6 weeks... it just feels like yesterday that we were just being integrated into the wards. How i still remember the faces of every one of the first tutors who taught us on each of the systems. Do you think you will be forgotten? Nope....

You all have made a perfect channel by providing your time to create an unobstructed path for us to feel, and experience what it is to be in the real situation. Its not about the knowledge that you all have within you, that you can regurgitate so effortlessly, but its about the trusting believe that we see from your eyes. The sense of faith and trust that spurs us on, giving us confidence, letting us know that we can still take the first step out into the open sea even without prior experience. We floated.

How much more could we ask from you all, if that wasn't sufficient? If that believe, that series of efforts and time are not enough?

To realise, to believe, to step up, to achieve.. A sequence of steps hat would eventualy lead us to knowing what we should know and what we should do. This journey seems ever so exciting.

Makes a person wonder if days pass by so quickly, that one has almost lost sight of how time could just zoom right past him.... within a couple of moments, year would have passed and by then we would be HOs. Just like joanna we saw today... Doesn't time fly? Time never waits... though memories dwell.

Memories stay forever. The happiness i shared with all of you my dear friends. Char, rq, hl, jo, yk, ian, raymond, june. How i would always remember the laughter that would always fill up the canteen whenever we are having lunch together. How i would always remember rushing from one ward to another with you guys... sweat trickling... but exciting. fun. fulfilling. How i would always know that you guys would try to suan me but always fail (at least i know) ... lol. So many happy memories. I love you guys. Others.. doctors? You all gave a lot also, dr alfred, dr soh, mr koh and team. and of course ms lim. haha how could one ever forget. Exceedingly remarkable memories... numerous different encounters. All form a part of me.

Would i ever revisit this memory? This six weeks of practical work? The concert? The strong relationships forged?

Yes. For it has been nice and wondrous in fulfilling purpose and wisdom.

Dinner Rocks

Dinner rocks as usual, even more so when you are treating. Its a nice feeling. Happiness rubs off one another, and multiplies as it spreads. Especially with people whom you are close to and are open to. Kind of a ping pong effect.

Really thank you guys for helping out so much and giving so much of yourself. Feeling happy ... food makes a person full, good food makes a person smile. =)

Cell

Thanks for being there and giving all the support and encouragement. =)

Doctor vs Patient

A doctor without health is called a patient.

How much should a doctor actually give out of himself just to serve the others around him? Should he serve at the expense of his own health just to ensure the complete comfort of the additional patient on top of the countless he has to see every single day?

Should he?

Fyi every single day means practically every single day... they dont get weekends like you think are sabbath days, they get 14 days of leave a year inclusive of weekends....

They slog so much just to give to others... impressive isnt it?

To give up the high life, to give up time that could be spent on relationships, to give up interests, all for someone... someone whom they feel compelled to help.

Utmost profession? I think so.

Tri Purpose - One Destiny

Christian? Magician? Doctor?

Which do you put ahead on top of the other 2? Is there some sort of ranking between them, that actually clearly distinguishes them from each other, causing them to be unable to coexist?

I wonder.

Somehow i feel that being more like a doctor orientates your life in such a way that you know why you are living, being a magician lets you remember what you are living for, and being a christian reminds you who you are living for.

There is a very fine line i guess...its hard to answer, if you were to question whether i would put A as a higher purpose than B, or B than C and vice versa.

All 3 actually coexist to bring out a characteristic personality within. One which actually views issues from 3 different perspectives, and finally reaches a common consensus. The common consesus is one that is based upon experience as well as knowledge. More of experience... like how you were to handle a person with knee bruising as opposed to a person with imminent depression.

Practicality and context matters a lot.

Now i guess i know why it takes so much out of me whenever one views issues seriously... 3 perspectives... 3 thoughts... 3 times the energy... within the same amount of time...

A Call - Action vs Prayer

Are you willing to let go and surrender in all that He has for you?
Are you willing to step up in selfless faith in what He calls you to do?

So what do you think?
So what do you already know?
So are you willing to believe?

The question is never about what you think, what you know. Its always about the willingness in you. Whether you are willing to accept, to believe, to do.

Prayer is words spoken in view of what the heart seeks. Prayer without actions is still prayer. Do you expect God to answer your prayers to perfect grades, to perfect financial comfort.. if you do not take action..but just by prayer? No.

Actions are things we do to influence our surroundings, changing our circumstances, perhaps to make them more amiable for us to live in. Actions bring about change. Do actions change things around us, like changing the world to be a better place... by our donations to charities, by our selfless efforts to help others in need, by offering time to bring the blind lady where she wants to go? They do. They change the world.

Actions and prayer bring about breakthrough. Prayer sets the mindset right, and actions carry them through.

We talk about praying for you... praying for this... praying for that. Do you think it works? It does change your mindset... setting them in the way that is right... that follows the truth. BUT without action... where do you think you will go? Heaven? Not when you see the blind lady and cast her aside saying i pray that you will get home safely... not when you see a person being wounded and say i pray for you, but i don't dress your wound, but i believe your bleeding will stop....

Practicality. Faith in action. That's what we are called to do, to be Christians. Not just people who pray for others, but people who actively seek in helping others - The 15th Minute Breakthrough. Just imagine how much more people would appreciate what we do for them as Christians if we were to give 15 minutes of our time out of our inconvenience, for their convenience; as opposed to that of us praying for them in our own bedroom.

They would see faith in action, power manifesting, and the love of God flooding and enveloping their lives. =)

Happy Vs Joy

Joy is something we experience everyday cos we know that everyday is made to be joyful, and it is what it is.

Happiness is that derived from others around us. Our friends, family, colleagues, or even strangers who touch us with what they do. Sharing with each other only brings us closer and to a state that we are more able to comprehend and understand what each other's character is. Their likes and dislikes, their philosophy in life, their ambitions, their current goals... everything.

I wonder why i feel totally at ease with you guys during dinner today. So much that we can just go on and on and on. Its either post concert joy, the nice food, or the increased understanding of your different personalities. I would say a bit of all aspects.

Its nice. We should have more =) and i shall not be the only one treating. HAHA! wing if u are reading this.... u know... hehe. But yea you gave a lot out of yourself for the production =)

Life Rocks

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst.
1 Timothy 1:15
Performances rock... why do i come so near to You whenever i perform. =)

Su⋅per⋅nat⋅u⋅ral

su⋅per⋅nat⋅u⋅ral 
[soo-per-nach-er-uhl, -nach-ruhl]
1. beyond what is natural; unexplainable by natural law or phenomena; abnormal.
2. attributed to God or a deity.

Week of Voices

By the time i come online... i realise i always forgot most of the stuff i wanted to remember. how ironic is that.

Anyway.. quick look at the week. loads of incidents that point to the world being imperfect... or at least, somewhat...

Taking the shuttle bus back to the mrt on friday was something that just showed what nurses truly are. Their personality deep down. I think a world without them would be a world without compassionate care. There was this young nurse gave up her seat when she saw an elderly man walking further to the rear of the bus. That was nice... perhaps something that you can call common even in the singapore today. BUT then, there was a blind lady on the bus itself as well. She din fit the conventional blind lady who wears pitch black sunglasses... hers was clear. And no one noticed... or at least... i din notice. UNTIL this young nurse, how nice of her, to signal and gesture that this lady was blind.. i was like standing in between and i din notice... perhaps the phone conversation was a bit too distracting. Anyway, she reached out and held on to the blind lady throughout the whole bus ride. Even though it was only a 5 min ride. it was nice to see such encouragement and support that a person can offer to someone who was in need. (of course i also held on once i saw she carried a walking stick... that kind that is for tapping the ground)

I was touched by the love she gave. =) anyway story cut short... we alighted and the nurse disappeared so i escorted the blind lady to the bustop and onto bus 9 which she wanted to board. Her image fades away into the horizon as i see her disappear as the bus speeds off. But the act of kindness never dissipates =)

There was as many as 15 ppl on the bus... yet only one reached out... moral of story? imperfection is common... but only in imperfection do we find perfect compassion.

Today... Sometimes i wonder if prayer really works... if without action. During service... what you call it? Slaining? Someone screamed... and she was like just 3 rows behind me.. somewhat for the first time so close... at a range of less than 4m perpendicular distance. Yes she screamed really loudly... and it was continuous. Of course her cg mates went to her aid... but yea i saw ppl stretching out their hands and praying for her... even the person who was like just in front of her... it didnt stop.

Sort of a strange feeling. I know how to stop it. I know what i could do. I felt compelled. I should do something... Did I? Yea i reached over and wanted to cross over but realised i couldnt even see her.. she was like on the ground. Somehow i just knew whatever that i would say would just bring her back within 30seconds.. yet i din.. she continued her screaming.. though it was drained away by the increasing crescendo of the music... perhaps thats why they play it so loudly... that we can just mask all these away...

Why didnt i go over all the way? I don't know. Was I not equipped? With knowledge? With experience? With anointing? I was. Why din I go over? Weird...

And you know what. it just so happened that we wanted to sit elsewhere at first but i decided it was fate that we sat at the lao di fang... with us having to strain our eyes... perhaps its for me to witness this?

God moves in great ways. How do we ever comprehend.

Thereafter... i felt a really really weird feeling. Like omg. Why is it that love from Him causes this kind of sign to be elicited? Is it really love of the holy spirit for this to happen? I want to know the answer. Why.

Somehow... as we sang the lyrics "This is our God" It just made me ponder whether that was really the work of him. Or was it something else? Slaining... looks interesting. always a joy to watch. But ever wondered if it was something else?

Somehow... i felt compelled to know the answer. Feels like i was insufficient... insufficient to even fully comprehend my full purpose for his kingdom. Was it in this area? This area such that He brought me to med as well... somehow.... i felt this equation impress upon me...

Summation of
Magic ie Amazing Feats
Mentalism ie Mind Reading
Medicine ie Healing
Moving in the Holy Spirit ie Anointing

Equates to that of a big M word...
Messiah
defined as the following 1. Supernatural 2. Healer 3. Anointed 4. Not surpassing that of Jesus

It just felt like i could do greater things for Him after seeing what the person doing service today did. Sounds like a logical way to derive the destiny after seeing how everything adds up. Only time could tell...

Judgement - Law vs Grace

We all judge ppl, just that as to what we believe in and who we look to, we try and avoid judging. For we know its wrong, and for one to be worthy enough to judge ppl, one himself first must be perfect, which is NEVER the case.

Perhaps in the case of Jesus, he came... he was PERFECT. So guess what he did? Bring judgement? Bring the law with him to rain upon those who are imperfect? Nope, he brought grace to those who were imperfect, and suffered the punishment of the law HIMSELF. which so clearly distinguishes him from us. we are not him.

Don't you ever wonder what it really means when "His grace is sufficient for you" , "loving ppl fervently", "make disciples from all nations"

#1 its not about imposing this LAW upon them (judging based on what the bible say) no. think about it. Jesus calls us to be like him, as we are made in the image of him. So isn't it all about giving grace to others who are in need, others who are perhaps not worthy (he died for all who were unworthy). why do you want to even think of judging them, even from what the bible says? the word never said to judge....never.

#2 we all talk, sing, say, preach, about love. love. praise songs. worship songs. you really know what is love? or is it just a word you talk about. a word that you say you experience this feeling when you re with someone. a word that is so freely used, yet you never knew what it really means deep inside. or perhaps, you never realised you never knew.

love is what we give to others unconditionally and freely. someone who smacks u right in the face can you say you love her? someone who hurts you with their words do you still say you love her? someone whom is a stranger, and perhaps its just this demeanour that she carries... would you still say you love her?

most of us can hardly even get close to saying i can still say i love this person for the very fact that she is a person. why? we take into account her unworthiness of our love. unworthiness. we condemn. dont you think? we classify ppl into ppl who are worthy of our time, worthy of our love, that we treat them better. there's nothing wrong with that. BUT we classify ppl into ppl TOTALLY unworthy of our time and love, that we condemn them. we judge.

nuts. why do we say we are being christlike in following the bible... and we judge... ironically. with the bible. with the words He said. with the very words He spoke. which we twist, or somehow think that its the truth to say others are wrong just cause they run contrary to the ways of the bible.

even as i write this i feel like making this stand is a judgement in itself of things i heard today. but still. i need to write this for those who ever considered using the bible as a sword to cut ppl down. i only hope that it could be used as a gauze to give grace to people who are already broken. You know the word.. dont you? They don't. What did Jesus say on the cross before he died? To slay those who are unworthy? no...i know he dint. cos you... and me.. are still here. to live for him. to carry his legacy. to give his grace. HIS GRACE that he freely gave to us. to others. =)

Letchmy

So how would you feel if someone whom you see in the morning and by late afternoon you realise something has happened, taking her away from you?

Letchmy. How old? I can't remember. Only image was that you were on ventilatory support and lying there in bed. Could i remember the fine features? Nope. They are whisked away together with the wind that carries you on. So swift.

Makes me wonder what a person would feel if the one being whisked away is someone whom you have forged bonds with, and know perhaps a bit more about. You would break down? Nope. Perhaps... I don't know.

Nice

http://www.jonschmidt.com/catalog/music_video.html

Cool. More than just music with passion. =)

Exhilarating.

Salvos

A triad. The third one. =)

What You Gave

Freely You Gave It All For Us
Surrendered Your Life Upon That Cross

How long more before we can just be like you, to freely give, to surrender all...

Mystique was an invigorating experience... truly. Everyone had varied memories as to which effect is the sweetest. A wide variety... which is good. Well balanced and enough show vs interact.

A Class? Almost. Close. Soon.

As every vision comes towards completion, there comes a time of renewal. For one to move on, to see what else there is to come. Moving from glory to glory. All that we see and hear and do is through you who gives us strength, that we will be able to use these gifts for your namesake, to bless others, to shine as your light, your testimony.

Would there be a next concert? Many ask... Yes of course. But no vision as of yet... = no concert for the moment.

Would the next one be different? Yes of course... i wont want to burden my dear comm with so much work... you guys have to sit down and enjoy... really =) really want you all to share in what you all have given to help bring me thru all these. What else would be different? Effects? Yes, much more improvised. Elevated.

Pray over career, friends, relationships, family, academics. =)

Whatever you ask, you claim and you believe you have received it in full.

What this life is about... its not about me, its about You. We can plan, You will lead the way.