Testimony

Every day is a testimony. Every day that i am able to train and hurl cards out at that kind of speed and grandeur is a testimony to how you have made me. It is all too clear right now where you want me to go to. Perhaps when you made me, thats how you made me to be a cut above the other magicians or illusionists, that i would have this touch from you to change the experience anyone could have with cards. Training is tough... sweat, ache, pain.... still thou who has trained for 10 000 hours shall see the wonders.... more so when you train with the spirit of god...

Awesomeness. I praise you and i thank you for all you have done in me. That all i am is for you... send me... and i will go.

Praying everyday for the same cause.... 6 months lets sustain!

Goal Setting

New Year - New Goals. New Dreams. New Visions. New Limits.

Set them well!! =))

God Provides

Even as i write this. I know i am reaffirming what i know and what i do that lives with this.

Still, looking back at so many years of hard work, sweat, tears.. ever cried when you failed? haha... Champions are still ppl who fail but never give up. Yes yes.... we all know that...

Yup back tot the point. Dec was truly a demonstration of this. Even as you give up your time helping, doing all the charity work and all... just going to every single call... guess what? God's provision always is sufficient, in fact overabundant... =)) Nice...

Really feels good living this way. Just go just go... send me send me...

End of 2009

Soon =)
Yes end with a big bang! nice nice =)

Went nuh today. Nice to be there to help out. Guess all these bring me so much more joy i ever thought it would. Take me to a new level then =)

Labrador Hostel after that... looong day. But fun. Interesting what a small deck of cards can always do for others ...

Christmas

The play was awesome! First time seeing so many hands reaching out for salvation all around me. Wow! Ok it was like WOW! Presence of God was just strong. Wow!

It was nice to accompany someone to Christ. Mm i like it =) Guess thats how it ought to feel when Melo first accompanied me. Heh. Nice, v nice. Christmas is all about spreading joy, what other joy can be eternal?

And yes, so many things happened this week. Lord I am still learning more every passing day how to hear more from you and walk closer to your footsteps. Can you imagine someone tapping on your shoulder 3 times before you decide to respond? That was me. Still i responded so yea =)) Thank God for what you showed me today as well. After Christmas Celeb, went down to June's cm patient for a christmas celeb. Did not really prepare for it but was sure if God called... 3 times... it will just happen as he planned. 3 times... nuts i ought to be more sensitive. Yes it did. The family was amazing. 3 generations can you believe it? All coming to celebrate christmas. And yes, it wasnt some like small event get together and small talk... oh ho... they were SOO CLOSE to each other. The kids was obedient to all the adults and the parents were so full of love for their dear mother. You see model families all over tv... haha those are for a while... but this.. wow... Wow okay!!!

Wow. I have never seen a family as close as this. And yes, it was just my pleasure to bring the touch of magic to them. Father you convicted me of praying everyday for 1 thing for 6 months since yesterday, christmas eve, and yes you promised that if nothing happened, i would get 500 bucks haha. Lol but i know something is going to happen. It will. Lord take me as clay and mould me. Send me where you want me to go, for if 1 family can be touched in 1 day, 1 year has 365 days, even if its 10% of the days that you send me.. its still worth it.

Thanks for opening my eyes to see. Build us up that we can serve your kingdom.

Everyday for 6 months. For SCS. For ppl stricken with what is thought to be a terminal illness. Father make a miracle happen for all others.

Heavy

2009 is a different year from the others. Actually very different. Ups and Downs.

Ups. Concert. Cell group mate married. Great CG mates. Wonderful Family. Fantastic Friends. Passing postings. Blessing to audience, patients. Financial freedom. Maturity. Knowledge about much more things. Luxury branding. Nice.

Downs. Sweat. Tears. Breakups. Low scores on certain tests. Fragile life. Disease.

Why. Downs seem to remain much more than ups... perhaps cos its more recent... even if christmas is in the air. Celebration mood was totally gone actually... after that happened.

Thought i would have wrote about it on monday itself when i was there. It was different. Ever worshipped God with grief? Ever offered the sacrifice of praise? I finally understood what that mean. Nothing like that had ever shaken me so much. Its just so real. So sudden. So overwhelming. I remember that night as one of the heaviest night in my whole life. Ever felt yourself sinking into nothingness, feeling of derealisation was so real. I do not actually know why. I felt both limbs just sink down and root to the ground. Ever wondered how that feels like? I was seated, yet it was as though a thousand times of my weight was pressing down on my legs. I couldn't move them after the short eulogy. I just can't. It was as though gravity wouldnt let my tears off either and they just kept coming. It was just plain straight in your face. I did not know how i managed to carry myself through.

Sea of faces yet none of them seemed recognisable for a moment. My mind went blank. I do not know. It took quite some time before I reoriented myself back then, before i could think and talk properly. Yes a part of me wanted to leave yet a part wanted to stay. I reached home a bit blank.

Thinking about life. Thinking about God. Thinking about purpose. Thinking about grief. Thinking about heaven & Jesus. I really really just hope that you are holding her right then. That she was comfortable and peaceful just next to you.

May peace and comfort always be on your family & friends.

I did wonder, if one day, it happens to someone of such closeness to me... would i still have the perfect faith... would i still be able to give the sacrifice of praise... when now it has already stretched me to one end...

it really is different when you have seen things that are just so heavy..... Give me strength father.

Fragile

I remember only the first thing when i woke up. It was the sms. Why? I thought. I remember going back to my bed after switching off the air con. The place seemed exceedingly chilling, still. Somehow i just wanted to efface the presence of bright light from my surroundings. I buried myself into the bolster and expected all to go away. Nope, it didn’t. Instead tears came. Crying first thing in the morning isn’t a norm for me. Still, i don’t know how long past before i got out of bed again and started walking around. I haven’t even washed up, yet. As if it even mattered. Then i remembered that there were still 3 performances today to carry over. I cant bring this mood with me there...

Yesterday was different. I felt touched there.... i cried.. i never understood why... the answer came today. Why? I do not know. Life is fragile. It is not even within our control. You can be the best in all the sports and career you pursue... you can have a wonderful relationship with your loved ones... yet the next moment... you never know what will happen. And you ask why? I ask the same qn when this happened...Why?

Its supposed to be healing isn’t it? Healing...
I do not know... for this while....

Want

Yes when you have all you ever wanted last time... it feels different... makes you look at life a little different too. Money buys time. Time buys money too... Balance is key...

On a side note, christmas is coming =DDD woo hoo.. yes the christmas mood masks the pharmaco and eopt mood. Haha rocks.. =)) party party party + paragon... lol

Left

Yes ok. I admit yes.

You have lefteth me.. =/

Loooong tripp...